Our last trip was a grand finale, indeed. We left Manhattan and journeyed to Jackson Heights, Queens, one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the world. Once in Jackson Heights, we were guided by a fearless man named Jeff. We decided to do a comparison of Taco Bell and Taqueria Coatzingo.
First up, Taco Bell. This joint was hoppin', and we treated ourselves to many items. Tacos, burritos, garditos, double-fried-crazy-chulapas, etc. Taco Bell is cheap, and the menu is very clear, and if you're in a hurry, it might not be a bad idea. However, I must say, the food was rather bland, in my opinion. The salsa was watery and tasted mostly like ketchup.
Next, we went to Taqueria Coatzingo, and this place was a very authentic hole-in-the-wall. We had many of the same dishes, and the dishes here were fresh, warm, flavorful, and delicious. There was fresh and wholesome guacamole, and I almost fell off my chair I was so happy.
In the end, I decided to climb one more fence as a swan song. Unfortunately, it was an electric fence and I received quite a shock. My hair was all over the place, and for the remainder of the day I kept convulsing and waves of electricity pulsed through my body, revealing my inner skeleton. Bzzzz!!!!
I would now just like to give a "shout out" to all of my new friends. It's been an honor heating with you!
Farewell! (for now)
-Professor Van Shmackelpop
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Abyssinia Ethiopian Restaurant
Professor Van Shmackelpop here. Here to tell you all about all of the amazing Ethiopian food we ate on Saturday, May 19, 2012. This was the first time we got on the Subway, and let me tell you, I was a little nervous! I generally get around town on horse and buggy, so I was apprehensive about taking the train with a bunch of youngsters! But they were great shipmates. We got off a few stops early and walked the rest of the way to the restaurant, which is on 135th Street. A gorgeous day it was.
I must say, we were around City College, and there were many parks with fences. Now, I do love climbing fences, so I left the group for a moment to climb the fence. Hot pancakes, though, I fell and hurt my ankle! I limped as fast as I could to rejoin my friends.
Abyssinia is a pretty new Ethiopian restuarant, and the owner is practically the nicest lady you will ever meet! We sat down and they kindly gave us complimentary sambusas, which are very much like Indian samosas, with a slightly different spice profile. Soon, the main event arrived.
For those of you not as cultured as I, Ethiopian is served on top of a spongy, slightly sour bread called injera. It's like a cross between a crepe and a dosa. The food itself is slightly reminiscent of the stews of India, but again, the spice profile is diferent. Very little cumin, tumeric or coriander is used. There are extreme amounts of onion, garlic, and peppers used. We had all sorts of vegetable stews, and also some stewed meats such a beef tibs (they call their cubed meats "tibs") and lamb. There was also chicken on the bone, which I greedily pulled. Quite a few times I needed to push people away and at one point I chased someone, but then I remembered about my poor ankle and I fell over! I was able to calm down and we all had a good laugh at my obsession with the chicken and subsequent possessiveness.
It really was a lovely time, and the food was so amazing. At the end, we were escorted back into the kitchen, and the owner showed us how she makes the injera. Also, there were bags of the teff flour, which is the flour used to make injera. Apparently, teff is now grown in the United States, and is exported to Ethiopia. The tables have turned!
Thanks to Abyssinia for such a great time and providing discounts to the children. It's all about the kids!
Abyssinia Ethiopian Restaurant
268 West 135th St. (Frederick Douglass-Adam Clayton Powell Junior Blvds.), Manhattan
212-281-2673
I must say, we were around City College, and there were many parks with fences. Now, I do love climbing fences, so I left the group for a moment to climb the fence. Hot pancakes, though, I fell and hurt my ankle! I limped as fast as I could to rejoin my friends.
Abyssinia is a pretty new Ethiopian restuarant, and the owner is practically the nicest lady you will ever meet! We sat down and they kindly gave us complimentary sambusas, which are very much like Indian samosas, with a slightly different spice profile. Soon, the main event arrived.
For those of you not as cultured as I, Ethiopian is served on top of a spongy, slightly sour bread called injera. It's like a cross between a crepe and a dosa. The food itself is slightly reminiscent of the stews of India, but again, the spice profile is diferent. Very little cumin, tumeric or coriander is used. There are extreme amounts of onion, garlic, and peppers used. We had all sorts of vegetable stews, and also some stewed meats such a beef tibs (they call their cubed meats "tibs") and lamb. There was also chicken on the bone, which I greedily pulled. Quite a few times I needed to push people away and at one point I chased someone, but then I remembered about my poor ankle and I fell over! I was able to calm down and we all had a good laugh at my obsession with the chicken and subsequent possessiveness.
It really was a lovely time, and the food was so amazing. At the end, we were escorted back into the kitchen, and the owner showed us how she makes the injera. Also, there were bags of the teff flour, which is the flour used to make injera. Apparently, teff is now grown in the United States, and is exported to Ethiopia. The tables have turned!
Thanks to Abyssinia for such a great time and providing discounts to the children. It's all about the kids!
Abyssinia Ethiopian Restaurant
268 West 135th St. (Frederick Douglass-Adam Clayton Powell Junior Blvds.), Manhattan
212-281-2673
Saturday, May 5, 2012
I Go For Barbecue ("slow and low" cooked meat!)
Just what is going on here!? I will have you know that I am the famous Professor Van Shmackelpop. Now that you know whom you're speaking with, I'm sure you are properly impressed and intimidated. Good!
Wait a minute! Ok. I am now ready to tell you about my adventure to Blue Smoke, a restaurant near Grammery Park. On a sidenote, Grammery Park is a private park: it's locked up and only for the use of residents in the surrounding townhouses and apartments.
One day I was out for my daily stroll, contemplating the universe, when I came across this park and decided I wanted to enter. Yet I didn't have the key! Being who I am, this seemed more a minor annoyance than anything else. I scaled the fence, yet found myself unable to pull myself over the threshold. My pant leg got stuck to a great Concord Deluxe fence spire, and a massive rip commenced forth, tearing off my entire pant leg!
Right at that moment, an officer of the law shouted out, "hey you there!" and I fell back onto the street and proceeded to run away, run away, sans a pant leg. A group of old ladies covered their mouths and gasped. "Make way!" I screamed, the officer in hot pursuit. In the end I ended up jailed for the evening, and was forced to pay a miniscule fine, both for trespassing and indecent exposure, which I thought preposterous as the one resulted from the other. It wasn't my fault that my pants were ripped!
Wait a minute! The matter at hand.
Blue Smoke is a barbecue house, which serves barbecue representing various styles. I did some research on this matter, the matter of barbecue, and it seems there are four main regional styles. Memphis, North Carolina, Kansis City and Texas. All are different, and I am too important or busy to tell you about them, but go to the link and read more if you're interested.
Blue Smoke is a delightfully outfitted restaurant, very "woody" and very fun. There are metal stars, of blue and white, and hang from the ceilings. I suppose they want to remind us of the all-American nature of barbecue. Again, I am too busy and important to talk more about these issues, but you can find out more if you really want to.
There were a large group of us, a most splendid team of food adventurers. I, of course, was the most splendid.
I started my meal off with fries with spicy cheese sauce. Frankly, these fries were delicious, salty and fluffy with a crispy exterior and a heavenly smooth interior. The cheese sauce was not particularly spicy, but rich and superbly satisfying. I will tell you right now this was my favorite part of the meal!
I ordered a pulled pork platter, which arrived at the table as a massive heap of meat on top of a huge piece of toast. The meat was enjoyable, but can I say I was blown away? No, not exactly. The vinegary Carolina sauce helped quite a lot. The cabbage slaw was fresh and cut the fat of the meat. Beans were very "beany."
Wait a minute! Ok. I am now ready to tell you about my adventure to Blue Smoke, a restaurant near Grammery Park. On a sidenote, Grammery Park is a private park: it's locked up and only for the use of residents in the surrounding townhouses and apartments.
One day I was out for my daily stroll, contemplating the universe, when I came across this park and decided I wanted to enter. Yet I didn't have the key! Being who I am, this seemed more a minor annoyance than anything else. I scaled the fence, yet found myself unable to pull myself over the threshold. My pant leg got stuck to a great Concord Deluxe fence spire, and a massive rip commenced forth, tearing off my entire pant leg!
Right at that moment, an officer of the law shouted out, "hey you there!" and I fell back onto the street and proceeded to run away, run away, sans a pant leg. A group of old ladies covered their mouths and gasped. "Make way!" I screamed, the officer in hot pursuit. In the end I ended up jailed for the evening, and was forced to pay a miniscule fine, both for trespassing and indecent exposure, which I thought preposterous as the one resulted from the other. It wasn't my fault that my pants were ripped!
Wait a minute! The matter at hand.
Blue Smoke is a barbecue house, which serves barbecue representing various styles. I did some research on this matter, the matter of barbecue, and it seems there are four main regional styles. Memphis, North Carolina, Kansis City and Texas. All are different, and I am too important or busy to tell you about them, but go to the link and read more if you're interested.
Blue Smoke is a delightfully outfitted restaurant, very "woody" and very fun. There are metal stars, of blue and white, and hang from the ceilings. I suppose they want to remind us of the all-American nature of barbecue. Again, I am too busy and important to talk more about these issues, but you can find out more if you really want to.
There were a large group of us, a most splendid team of food adventurers. I, of course, was the most splendid.
I started my meal off with fries with spicy cheese sauce. Frankly, these fries were delicious, salty and fluffy with a crispy exterior and a heavenly smooth interior. The cheese sauce was not particularly spicy, but rich and superbly satisfying. I will tell you right now this was my favorite part of the meal!
I ordered a pulled pork platter, which arrived at the table as a massive heap of meat on top of a huge piece of toast. The meat was enjoyable, but can I say I was blown away? No, not exactly. The vinegary Carolina sauce helped quite a lot. The cabbage slaw was fresh and cut the fat of the meat. Beans were very "beany."
For the final attack on my digestive system, I ordered a banana cream pie. I find, in old age, I must eat dessert with every meal to make up for the difficulties of being an adult. The pie was respectable, with pure chunks of banana , and a nice smattering of walnuts, a nice touch I had not yet come across in my banana cream pie travels.
At the end, Blue Smoke was nice enough to invite us into the back to take a tour of where they smoke the meat. It was there that the pitmaster used the phrase "slow and low" to describe how the meat is cooked: slowly and at a low temperature.
I left Blue Smoke happy. A fine place, to be sure. I was so happy about the cheese fries that I decided to once more scale the fence at Grammercy Park. My excitement and enegry was offset by all of the food in my stomach, however, and I tore the other leg off of my pants while trying to get over to the other side (I only own one pair of pants)! I therefore was relegated to wearing an embarassing pair of impromptu shorts, and I looked like the lead singer from ACDC!
"Hey you" shouted the very same officer of the law, and yet another chase ensued. Yes, I ended up in jail once more and was charged with the same offenses and fined yet again. Ah, humanity!
The end.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
I Go On a Pizza Tour
Hello! How are you? I just took a bath and now I'm sitting in my study, thinking about all the pizza I ate last week.
As I mentioned, I decided to volunteer with NY Cares for a Food Writing Project. Myself, other volunteers, and students at Simon Baruch Middle School are going on a series of adventures and then writing about it! Of course, as I am the esteemed Professor Van Shmackelpop, I am the greatest writer who has ever lived. If you do not believe me, go back and re-read this paragraph. See? Is is not the finest specimen of writing you've ever encountered? Are you not thrilled and excited? Do you not wish you were as talented as I? Do not worry - there is only one Professor Shmackelpop, so you will never be as great as I am. Still, now you see what you can aspire to. HAHA!
Ahem. Anyhow, as I was saying, we went on a pizza tour given by a fellow named Scott. Scott is marvelously brilliant, and I dare say, he might know even more than I do about pizza. Of course, I know more about every other subject, but in this one particular matter he may have me beat. Scott is OBSESSED with pizza. It's all he thinks about, and I am pretty sure he will one day turn into a giant pizza because he eats so much of it (I was going to post a link to a YouTube video of Pizza-the-Hut, the beloved character from the film 'Spaceballs,' but these blasted Department of Education computers have blocked YouTube!)
In addition to our tour guide Pizza-the-Hut --I mean Scott, HAHA -- there were 5 other NY Cares volunteers, a teacher from Simon Baruch, and 5 students. I cannot tell you how much I respected these youngsters, who were spending their Saturday learning about pizza and eating more of it than is advisable. We met at Keste, which is a delightful pizza shoppe located on Bleecker Street. Keste is owned by a man from Naples - the birthplace of pizza. Indeed, we sampled the "first" pizza, called a mast'nicola (more on that later).
My dear friends, Scott is such a brilliant man that he showed us the domed, brick, wood-fired pizza oven. It is an extremely HOT oven. I enjoy being toasty, but it would too toasty even for myself. Scott had this magical contraption, a laser-beam gun that detected how hot the oven was. The oven was different temperatures, ranging from around 800 to 1000 degrees farenheit, depending on how far away the wood was. This oven was so hot that the pizza cooks in about 90 seconds (we actually did a timing because Scott is so obsessed with pizza).
You are probably wondering, how was the pizza at Keste? Well, perhaps you should learn to be patient. Perhaps I should not tell you because you're being extremely rude by asking.
...
Oh, excuse me. I just had a visitor - it was Newt Gingrich. I'm not sure if you know this, but I am the world's foremost expert in astrophyscs, and since Mr. Gingrich is interested in developing the U.S. space program, he wanted a consultation. Please excuse my absence.
Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes! The pizza at Keste. In one sentence: "it was DELIGHTFUL." We had two types of pizza. One was the mast'nicola, which, as mentioned, was the first version of pizza. This pizza is very different from what you might imagine. It has no tomato sauce. It's dough, LARD, and so much pecorino cheese I thought my head might explode. It was rich, salty, tangy and irresistable. Some of our crew were vegetarians, so Keste made a version with olive oil instead of lard.
The second pizza we sampled was a margherita, which is more of what we think of as pizza. There was dough, sauce and cheese. Still, it was not exactly like a typical New York Slice. The dough was puffier, more tender, and tasted more of a high quality dough, like you would find in a wonderful bakery. The sauce was simply crushed tomatoes, and the cheese was fresh mozzarella - not the shredded, aged variety we're used to. The margherita was so fresh I almost cried.
After Keste, we walked over to John's, also on Bleecker. John's is a classic New York coal even pizzeria. Coal had been used in New York because it was cheap, and these ovens don't get as hot as the wood-fired ovens, like the one at Keste. Honestly, I was not quite as impressed with the pizza production at John's. Something did happen, though, that knocked my socks off. At John's, they place the cheese on the dough, and THEN they pour the sauce on top. I was astounded, and almost walked out of the restaurant I was so angry! I very much believe things have a proper order, and this was not right!
I performed some breathing exercises and regained my compsure and decided to stay. The pizza was pretty good, although it didn't have the fresh flavors of Keste. The cheese was stronger in flavor because it was a low moisture, aged mozzarella. The cheese was tangy and tasty, yet it also had an unusual congealed quality that I found a bit confusing. In fact, I was so confused I walked into a wall! It happens.
Finally, we ventured to Famous Ben's, a Sicilian pizzeria in SOHO. Now, it's the weirdest thing, because even though it's called Famous Ben's, the owner's name is John. What in the sam hill is going on here? Who is Ben? I MUST know.
Anyhow, the matter at hand. How does Sicilian pizza differ? Well, we had a Palermo pie, which consisted of a thick, square dough. There was an ample amount of sauce, with simmered onions and breadcrumbs on the top. Never in my day have I had a pizza with breadcrumbs on it! In this way, John's and Ben's were similar in that they completely defied my expectations of what pizza is. Now, I am so confused that I am continually walking into walls, and even had to take a day off from work because I have hit my head so many times. OUCH.
Thus concluded our tour. We had three diferrent styles of pizza - Naples, New York Coal Oven, and Sicilian. My favorite was Keste, although each had its merits. Indeed, I was just speaking to a student, and Keste was his least favorite. Granted, I am one of the greatest men in the world, and definitely the smartest. But some things, even I can admit, are subjective - a matter of personal opinion.
Well, dear friends, thank you for stopping by. Until next time!
- Professor Van Shmackelpop
As I mentioned, I decided to volunteer with NY Cares for a Food Writing Project. Myself, other volunteers, and students at Simon Baruch Middle School are going on a series of adventures and then writing about it! Of course, as I am the esteemed Professor Van Shmackelpop, I am the greatest writer who has ever lived. If you do not believe me, go back and re-read this paragraph. See? Is is not the finest specimen of writing you've ever encountered? Are you not thrilled and excited? Do you not wish you were as talented as I? Do not worry - there is only one Professor Shmackelpop, so you will never be as great as I am. Still, now you see what you can aspire to. HAHA!
Ahem. Anyhow, as I was saying, we went on a pizza tour given by a fellow named Scott. Scott is marvelously brilliant, and I dare say, he might know even more than I do about pizza. Of course, I know more about every other subject, but in this one particular matter he may have me beat. Scott is OBSESSED with pizza. It's all he thinks about, and I am pretty sure he will one day turn into a giant pizza because he eats so much of it (I was going to post a link to a YouTube video of Pizza-the-Hut, the beloved character from the film 'Spaceballs,' but these blasted Department of Education computers have blocked YouTube!)
In addition to our tour guide Pizza-the-Hut --I mean Scott, HAHA -- there were 5 other NY Cares volunteers, a teacher from Simon Baruch, and 5 students. I cannot tell you how much I respected these youngsters, who were spending their Saturday learning about pizza and eating more of it than is advisable. We met at Keste, which is a delightful pizza shoppe located on Bleecker Street. Keste is owned by a man from Naples - the birthplace of pizza. Indeed, we sampled the "first" pizza, called a mast'nicola (more on that later).
 |
| Scott showing us the oven at Keste |
My dear friends, Scott is such a brilliant man that he showed us the domed, brick, wood-fired pizza oven. It is an extremely HOT oven. I enjoy being toasty, but it would too toasty even for myself. Scott had this magical contraption, a laser-beam gun that detected how hot the oven was. The oven was different temperatures, ranging from around 800 to 1000 degrees farenheit, depending on how far away the wood was. This oven was so hot that the pizza cooks in about 90 seconds (we actually did a timing because Scott is so obsessed with pizza).
 |
| The dreaded temperature gun - don't shoot! |
You are probably wondering, how was the pizza at Keste? Well, perhaps you should learn to be patient. Perhaps I should not tell you because you're being extremely rude by asking.
...
Oh, excuse me. I just had a visitor - it was Newt Gingrich. I'm not sure if you know this, but I am the world's foremost expert in astrophyscs, and since Mr. Gingrich is interested in developing the U.S. space program, he wanted a consultation. Please excuse my absence.
Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes! The pizza at Keste. In one sentence: "it was DELIGHTFUL." We had two types of pizza. One was the mast'nicola, which, as mentioned, was the first version of pizza. This pizza is very different from what you might imagine. It has no tomato sauce. It's dough, LARD, and so much pecorino cheese I thought my head might explode. It was rich, salty, tangy and irresistable. Some of our crew were vegetarians, so Keste made a version with olive oil instead of lard.
The second pizza we sampled was a margherita, which is more of what we think of as pizza. There was dough, sauce and cheese. Still, it was not exactly like a typical New York Slice. The dough was puffier, more tender, and tasted more of a high quality dough, like you would find in a wonderful bakery. The sauce was simply crushed tomatoes, and the cheese was fresh mozzarella - not the shredded, aged variety we're used to. The margherita was so fresh I almost cried.
 |
| A margherita from Keste |
After Keste, we walked over to John's, also on Bleecker. John's is a classic New York coal even pizzeria. Coal had been used in New York because it was cheap, and these ovens don't get as hot as the wood-fired ovens, like the one at Keste. Honestly, I was not quite as impressed with the pizza production at John's. Something did happen, though, that knocked my socks off. At John's, they place the cheese on the dough, and THEN they pour the sauce on top. I was astounded, and almost walked out of the restaurant I was so angry! I very much believe things have a proper order, and this was not right!
I performed some breathing exercises and regained my compsure and decided to stay. The pizza was pretty good, although it didn't have the fresh flavors of Keste. The cheese was stronger in flavor because it was a low moisture, aged mozzarella. The cheese was tangy and tasty, yet it also had an unusual congealed quality that I found a bit confusing. In fact, I was so confused I walked into a wall! It happens.
 |
| HEY - you have it backwards! |
Finally, we ventured to Famous Ben's, a Sicilian pizzeria in SOHO. Now, it's the weirdest thing, because even though it's called Famous Ben's, the owner's name is John. What in the sam hill is going on here? Who is Ben? I MUST know.
 |
| That guy owns Ben's but his name is John! |
Anyhow, the matter at hand. How does Sicilian pizza differ? Well, we had a Palermo pie, which consisted of a thick, square dough. There was an ample amount of sauce, with simmered onions and breadcrumbs on the top. Never in my day have I had a pizza with breadcrumbs on it! In this way, John's and Ben's were similar in that they completely defied my expectations of what pizza is. Now, I am so confused that I am continually walking into walls, and even had to take a day off from work because I have hit my head so many times. OUCH.
Thus concluded our tour. We had three diferrent styles of pizza - Naples, New York Coal Oven, and Sicilian. My favorite was Keste, although each had its merits. Indeed, I was just speaking to a student, and Keste was his least favorite. Granted, I am one of the greatest men in the world, and definitely the smartest. But some things, even I can admit, are subjective - a matter of personal opinion.
Well, dear friends, thank you for stopping by. Until next time!
- Professor Van Shmackelpop
Friday, March 2, 2012
First Time
Hello? Who is there? What are you DOING?
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Professor Van Shmackelpop, and I teach at the university. My studies keep me PLENTY busy. Right now I am exploring pre-historic ant societies. Lucky for me, I am also a member of the Faculty of Astrophysics, and using my skills have constructed a machine for going back in time. I digress.
The matter at hand is food. I like it. Food that is. I like food. I eat it often, sometimes thrice daily (breakfast, lunch and dinner). Some of the professors feel they are too busy for food and eat boring sandwiches in their offices while they work. Other professors think themselves important and will only dine in the Faculty Club. I, on the other hand, will travel all over for gastronomic delights.
Since I love food so much I decided to do something beneficial for humanity and volunteer with New York Cares for a food writing project. We will be dining with a group of youngsters from a local public school and then will be writing about our adventures. Our first adventure is tomorrow, and we will be going on a tour of pizza. How about THAT?
Will write soon to tell you all about it.
Truly yours,
Professor Van Shmackelpop
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Professor Van Shmackelpop, and I teach at the university. My studies keep me PLENTY busy. Right now I am exploring pre-historic ant societies. Lucky for me, I am also a member of the Faculty of Astrophysics, and using my skills have constructed a machine for going back in time. I digress.
The matter at hand is food. I like it. Food that is. I like food. I eat it often, sometimes thrice daily (breakfast, lunch and dinner). Some of the professors feel they are too busy for food and eat boring sandwiches in their offices while they work. Other professors think themselves important and will only dine in the Faculty Club. I, on the other hand, will travel all over for gastronomic delights.
Since I love food so much I decided to do something beneficial for humanity and volunteer with New York Cares for a food writing project. We will be dining with a group of youngsters from a local public school and then will be writing about our adventures. Our first adventure is tomorrow, and we will be going on a tour of pizza. How about THAT?
Will write soon to tell you all about it.
Truly yours,
Professor Van Shmackelpop
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