As I mentioned, I decided to volunteer with NY Cares for a Food Writing Project. Myself, other volunteers, and students at Simon Baruch Middle School are going on a series of adventures and then writing about it! Of course, as I am the esteemed Professor Van Shmackelpop, I am the greatest writer who has ever lived. If you do not believe me, go back and re-read this paragraph. See? Is is not the finest specimen of writing you've ever encountered? Are you not thrilled and excited? Do you not wish you were as talented as I? Do not worry - there is only one Professor Shmackelpop, so you will never be as great as I am. Still, now you see what you can aspire to. HAHA!
Ahem. Anyhow, as I was saying, we went on a pizza tour given by a fellow named Scott. Scott is marvelously brilliant, and I dare say, he might know even more than I do about pizza. Of course, I know more about every other subject, but in this one particular matter he may have me beat. Scott is OBSESSED with pizza. It's all he thinks about, and I am pretty sure he will one day turn into a giant pizza because he eats so much of it (I was going to post a link to a YouTube video of Pizza-the-Hut, the beloved character from the film 'Spaceballs,' but these blasted Department of Education computers have blocked YouTube!)
In addition to our tour guide Pizza-the-Hut --I mean Scott, HAHA -- there were 5 other NY Cares volunteers, a teacher from Simon Baruch, and 5 students. I cannot tell you how much I respected these youngsters, who were spending their Saturday learning about pizza and eating more of it than is advisable. We met at Keste, which is a delightful pizza shoppe located on Bleecker Street. Keste is owned by a man from Naples - the birthplace of pizza. Indeed, we sampled the "first" pizza, called a mast'nicola (more on that later).
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| Scott showing us the oven at Keste |
My dear friends, Scott is such a brilliant man that he showed us the domed, brick, wood-fired pizza oven. It is an extremely HOT oven. I enjoy being toasty, but it would too toasty even for myself. Scott had this magical contraption, a laser-beam gun that detected how hot the oven was. The oven was different temperatures, ranging from around 800 to 1000 degrees farenheit, depending on how far away the wood was. This oven was so hot that the pizza cooks in about 90 seconds (we actually did a timing because Scott is so obsessed with pizza).
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| The dreaded temperature gun - don't shoot! |
You are probably wondering, how was the pizza at Keste? Well, perhaps you should learn to be patient. Perhaps I should not tell you because you're being extremely rude by asking.
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Oh, excuse me. I just had a visitor - it was Newt Gingrich. I'm not sure if you know this, but I am the world's foremost expert in astrophyscs, and since Mr. Gingrich is interested in developing the U.S. space program, he wanted a consultation. Please excuse my absence.
Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes! The pizza at Keste. In one sentence: "it was DELIGHTFUL." We had two types of pizza. One was the mast'nicola, which, as mentioned, was the first version of pizza. This pizza is very different from what you might imagine. It has no tomato sauce. It's dough, LARD, and so much pecorino cheese I thought my head might explode. It was rich, salty, tangy and irresistable. Some of our crew were vegetarians, so Keste made a version with olive oil instead of lard.
The second pizza we sampled was a margherita, which is more of what we think of as pizza. There was dough, sauce and cheese. Still, it was not exactly like a typical New York Slice. The dough was puffier, more tender, and tasted more of a high quality dough, like you would find in a wonderful bakery. The sauce was simply crushed tomatoes, and the cheese was fresh mozzarella - not the shredded, aged variety we're used to. The margherita was so fresh I almost cried.
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| A margherita from Keste |
After Keste, we walked over to John's, also on Bleecker. John's is a classic New York coal even pizzeria. Coal had been used in New York because it was cheap, and these ovens don't get as hot as the wood-fired ovens, like the one at Keste. Honestly, I was not quite as impressed with the pizza production at John's. Something did happen, though, that knocked my socks off. At John's, they place the cheese on the dough, and THEN they pour the sauce on top. I was astounded, and almost walked out of the restaurant I was so angry! I very much believe things have a proper order, and this was not right!
I performed some breathing exercises and regained my compsure and decided to stay. The pizza was pretty good, although it didn't have the fresh flavors of Keste. The cheese was stronger in flavor because it was a low moisture, aged mozzarella. The cheese was tangy and tasty, yet it also had an unusual congealed quality that I found a bit confusing. In fact, I was so confused I walked into a wall! It happens.
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| HEY - you have it backwards! |
Finally, we ventured to Famous Ben's, a Sicilian pizzeria in SOHO. Now, it's the weirdest thing, because even though it's called Famous Ben's, the owner's name is John. What in the sam hill is going on here? Who is Ben? I MUST know.
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| That guy owns Ben's but his name is John! |
Anyhow, the matter at hand. How does Sicilian pizza differ? Well, we had a Palermo pie, which consisted of a thick, square dough. There was an ample amount of sauce, with simmered onions and breadcrumbs on the top. Never in my day have I had a pizza with breadcrumbs on it! In this way, John's and Ben's were similar in that they completely defied my expectations of what pizza is. Now, I am so confused that I am continually walking into walls, and even had to take a day off from work because I have hit my head so many times. OUCH.
Thus concluded our tour. We had three diferrent styles of pizza - Naples, New York Coal Oven, and Sicilian. My favorite was Keste, although each had its merits. Indeed, I was just speaking to a student, and Keste was his least favorite. Granted, I am one of the greatest men in the world, and definitely the smartest. But some things, even I can admit, are subjective - a matter of personal opinion.
Well, dear friends, thank you for stopping by. Until next time!
- Professor Van Shmackelpop
